I wanna take out all my frustration, and nobody knows who I am here.. so might as well I can do it here.. its a crappy post.. save yourself if you are not into reading “My Bad DAy- My Bad Life”
I just realized that this blog has become my escape.. everything going so wrong and I run to this blog and I write and within moments I am Me again..
I sit at the window.. I see people on Tv.. I look around.. I see people who have a smooth life.. Yes, I KNOW THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE ! but still, inspite of everything wrong, there’ll be something that is going right for them..
For instance..Have a screwed up love life but then they are doing good in thier academics or in their job..
A screwed up job, then they have someone they love.. a family where parents are understanding..
You know just something that is fine..
But here I am, sitting in a room all alone.. and I don’t know if I wanna have a tomorrow ..(yeah, very depressing.. not my style)
I mean am staring at the mirror.. all I see iS ME..ALONE.. yes i am the modern independent woman who can be on her own but what if I don’t want that..
I want a happy relationship.. My “him” loves me a lot and so do I.. but the circumstances we are in.. My expectation level and stupid-ness has crossed all limits.. He so doesn’t deserve that.. He is 22.. This should be his best relationship.. the happy-mushy one.. I am making him live my problems which are so old for him.. he doesn’t deserve it.. I have stupid fights with him, where the poor soul keeps listening to my crap.. He doesn’t deserve this..
I am sooper mad at Mr. God. I have always believed he is my best friend. that you know he’ll support me in everything.. He is pushing me away from my family.. my him.. my job.. my life.. everything.. He is not fair..
I hate the fact that I have always believed that he does everything for a reason and for some sick reason, a part of me still believes that this is the darkest moment before the dawn fills my life with my happiness and sunshine.. I hate when I get that optimistic.. cause Mr. God can’t even see that.. he throws situations at me wherein all the optimism is flushed out of my system.. (Gross! )
My family.. they taught me that never let people dominate you.. always have a brain of yourself.. blah.. and now just cause I don’t agree with them over something important.. all of these traits are an issue.. Too much brains you use.. etc..I mean C’mon these people are my life and with them behaving the way they do.. I can’t stand a moment living in the same room..
I am bored.. I am hyper.. I am not in the correct state of the mind..
I need to get away.. even from myself.. to become the Me that I was..
I want him to hug me and put me to sleep till all this turns into a distant bad dream.. I want him to hold my hand and fight with the world.. I want him to not let me be.. I want peace and freedom !!f