I remember writing this two words in my diary about 6 years back – Emotionally damaged..
I don’t I knew what that meant.. I just knew that I couldn’t believe that people could love other people.. That it was possible for two people to be happy together.. I was not able to cry on things that were sad and stupid things made me cry at the drop of the hat.. I wouldn’t be happy in anything.. Happy made me scared.. It still does.. I get sacred when something is happening without any issues.. when all is good and happy .. I freak out..
i push people away ..BIG TIME.. I don’t know how to react when someone compliments.. yes ! I have become better with time but I still suck at it.. I have someone who loves me..and every-time i end up discussing about how he could be happier with anybody else.. I just can’t gulp the fact that it is possible for someone to love me.. I am too worn out for that.. Not meant for love I guess..
I craved for a casual relationship at a point of time.. I didn’t want the emotional attachment.. I am still scared of it.. Not because i will be hurt.. but I will hurt someone…
I have random nightmares where m all alone in the world and everyone is so busy around me.. That’s my phobia.. Being alone.. I want people around me all the time..alllll the time.. That’s my biggest fear.. of being alone..
I haven’t slept peacefully since a year.. that and I know what else .. has made me super short tempered..
I crave for attention..off-late..and at the same time I wanna be left alone.. I wanna be left only for people to come back.. that’s sick.. and human.. i think..
I want my life to be like a movie.. where i am low and my hero comes running through old forts to tell me that he loves me.. (Reference : Love Aaj Kal)
and at the end of all this.. I believe that I will be okay.. Alone,maybe..but definitely okay..
P.S: I don’t know what this post is about.. Just random ramblings, in its truest form 🙂