These days, I am quite on the “looking back, looking forward” mode. I ended up reading so many of my old posts as part of motivating myself to write again, and honestly, I can’t even imagine the person who wrote them! How simply I approached life…well I still want to believe it was a good thing, but life has a way of shaking you up and forcing you out of your comfort zone ever so often…its like complacency of any sort is a crime against life itself!
From being a carefree happy-go-lucky person living one minute/day at a time, I now find myself a constant worrier, apprehensive of the future, wanting to plan each and every event in my life to an extent that there is no room for surprises.
Where I was once a careless spender, now I am a diligent saver. While I used to spend time drooling over travel destinations in a former life, I now spend that time on trolling the DDA website in the hope of buying a house!
How and when I became this paranoid I have no idea, perhaps it just happened with time and life events that forced me to rethink my whole outlook towards life and the way I have been living it. I dislike being on a constant run, I just don’t have the energy or mind for it. I find myself obsessing over “settling”, and just building something in one spot as opposed to unravelling all over the place.
I worry, I worry and I continue to worry. When I get tired of worrying, I worry about that too.
I was sharing with a friend recently, I can’t imagine the chirpy bubbly person I once was, and if I were to meet that self again, with my current state of mind, they’d perhaps earn one tight slap from me…
Does that make ANY sense? Perhaps not. But well, that’s how it is for now!