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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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2013

Love is..

I have this friend who is been in a relationship for 10 years now.. Still if I ask him how much he loves his Girl, All I hear is “I don’t believe in Love’
He is not the only one.. Its Me too..I dont believe in it either.
I meet a lot of people who are completely in love with their partners.. But may never say so.. For some Love is too big a word.. For some, Love and its confessions are thing for Teens..
For mature people, Its about the comfort they share with each other.. Love.. It may be there !
..(At times, that list includes me too)
It just gets me thinking..Then exactly what is love..I am the Movie – inspired love person..At Times, I believe Love is the over-the-Top , sweep me off my feet kindda love..

Iam confused.. SO is everyone..

So, as always I turned to Google.. I typed love is.. Oh Yes, I did !
D answers I got were :
Love is Blind
Love is life
Love is friendship(seems  has had too much effect on colleagues)
Etcetra..
So basically love has its own vision.for everyone..

N Then i met someone..Who hugged me and put my broken peices together..Ya this time though..It wudn’t be my heart but my soul that would be torn apart..Coz the person hugging me was a dream..
Bt then how could I let go of what we had..
It was God sent..

He made me realise ..Love, if there exists snmethin like that. .. then love is to be able to be yourself..The worst of yourslef, with someone..Love is to be able to see yourslef in someone’s eyes..Love is to be safe in someone’s heart..Love is to be someone’s mirror..

🙂

Smile More. Laugh often. Love Always !

Love,
Miss S.

Letter to myself !

It feels strange typing these first words after neglecting my diary for so long. I actually fumbled around the page. I had been busy. But not so much that I couldn’t have squeezed in a few minutes of writing every week. I could have. But I chose not to. I had started doing what everyone else around me were doing, mimicking their pastimes, their routines. It was work, studying, watching movies, getting together with friends, eating out…the usual stuff. Not just my habits, but my whole personality went a sea change. I became more ‘social’; not extrovert, just more open to mingling with other people, small talk, taking the initiative to talk to people around me. I actually chatted up random strangers, which is so unlike me, given my total lack of social skills.

I got so involved in this routine, this ‘new’ me, I had long neglected the things I loved to do. Writing, watching obscure foreign language films, reading and re-reading the authors I cherish, traveling, amateur photography, sketching…stuff that had always created and contributed to my happiness, a world I loved escaping into. But once I got stuck in this new web of superficial pleasures and pastimes, I became too lazy to get back to doing things that I love. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation, when I’m unusually chatty, I halt and mentally stare at the person I’ve become. And I realize it’s not the real me. Being more confident, the feeling of belonging to the ‘normal, everyday’ people has been fun. But who am I fooling? It’s just so not me.

There had been surprise in their eyes and an awkwardness dangling invisible in the air, when I interacted with the people I’ve known for long and who were well-acquainted with my introvert nature. And there had been moments when my ‘friendly’ attitude, new and clumsy, seemed too upfront to people and created misunderstandings, that were totally uncalled for and embarrassing. And my idle mind, crammed with just exam MCQs and ‘small talk’ of the day, devoid of any creative pursuits, fell prey to daydreaming. I did few pretty stupid stuff. I don’t like this new change anymore, though I had secretly always craved it!

Each person is unique, with their unique quirks, and flaws and passions. I am a shy person. I prefer catching up on my reading on a Saturday night. I freeze at the thought of making small talk. I like reading novels about vampires and girls addicted to shopping. I don’t like rowdy parties, picnics and prefer small, intimate gatherings. If I fall in love, I love to love alone, cherishing the secret. I love being silent and contemplating a thousand thoughts even amidst a crowd. And in the past few days, my mouth hurt from grinning too much at jokes that I didn’t even find funny. However boring it may sound or is to others, that’s me. That’s who I am. And who I have been in the recent past is totally contradictory to my real self.

Be true to who you are, do what you love…irrespective of what the world thinks about you. Life’s too short to be wasted on pretense of any sort.

This post was MY advice to ME. It feels great blogging after this long gap. And it feels really gr8 to have found ME again !!

Smile More. Laugh often. Love Always !

Love,
Miss S.

Tere mere beech mein…

I honestly don’t know..Humare beech mein kya hai..

All I know is, I have to just turn around and.look at him to smile..

All i know is that he makes staying late nights in office worthwhile..

All I know is everytime I see him smile, My heart just falls.for.him all over again..

All i know everytime I am with him, the world seems like a better place..

All I know is that he makes me wanna hug him everytime I see him sad and take away all his pain..

All i know is every road, every corner in town reminds me of him..

All I know is that I Lie & Die to spend my evenings with him..

All i know is that everytime he holds my hand, I dont wanna let it go..

All I know is I cant help but like .him.more when he gets possesive about me..

All I know is I get super jealous when i see him etting close to other girls..

All I know is if he reads this he will give a killer smile & think am totally crazy..

All I know is that for whatever time he is part of my life.. he makes it Complete..

I have been happy earlier..bt this ia different…but this happy is special..

I dont know what it is..between us..It doesnt have a name..I dont need one for it..

Sometimes it seems its nothing..Just a passing.phase..Two people spending their day almost together, tend to fall for each other..It happens..Its usual, I guess..

Maybe its nothing for him..Its all one sided..

But then, A part of me knows it may not be usual..

This is once in a lifetime person..
There wont be another him..

He is everything I needed but didn wish for..

He is a gift..

He is my blessing..

He is my smile..

He is my unsaid – bt answered prayer..

He is my Mr. N !

Image

 

Tere mere beech mein …..

I honestly dont know..Humare beech mein kya hai..

 All I know is, I have to just turn around and.look at him to smile..

All i know is that he makes staying late nights in office worthwhile..

All I know is everytime I see him smile, My heart just falls.for.him all over again..

All i know everytime I am with him, the world seems like a better place..

All I know is that he makes me wanna hug him  everytime I see him sad and take away all his pain..

All i know is every road, every corner in town reminds me of him..

All I know is that I Lie & Die to spend my evenings with him..

All i know is that everytime he holds my hand, I dont wanna let it go..

All I know is I cant help but like .him.more when he gets possesive about me..

All I know is I get super jealous when i see him etting close to other girls..

All I know is if he reads this he will give a killer smile & think am totally crazy..

All I know is that for whatever time he is part of my life.. he makes it Complete..

I have been happy earlier..bt this ia different...but this happy is special..

 I dont know what it is..between us..It doesnt have a name..I dont need one for it..

Sometimes it seems its nothing..Just a passing.phase..Two people spending their day almost together, tend to fall for each other..It happens..Its usual, I guess..

Maybe its nothing for him..Its all one sided..

But then, A part of me knows it may not be usual..

This is once in a lifetime person..
There wont be another him..

He is everything I needed but didn wish for..

He is a gift..

He is my blessing..

He is my smile..

He is my unsaid - bt answered prayer..

He is my Mr. N !

The Happiness List

Happy Things 🙂

1. Finding a good book.

2. Writing something you’re satisfied with.

3. Coffee. Especially Filter Coffee.

4. Good Music. That’s any music that makes you happy.

5. Family.

6. Dark Chocolate.

7. Grandparents.

8. Friends.

9. Finding a piece of instrumental music you’ve been looking for for ages.

10. Siblings.

11. The Sea.

12. MOD.

13. When people come back after a long time.

14. The Bandra-Worli Sealink.

15. Feeling tall.

16. Good pizza (not necessarily authentic, just good, I’m not fussy that way).

17. Masala Chai.

18. Meeting an old friend after a long time.

19. Airports.

20. Travelling.

21. Surprises.

22. Running into someone you had nearly forgotten.

23. Getting a difficult math sum right in the first attempt.

24. Finishing something difficult.

25. Looking through old photographs.

26. Hotel room beds.

27. Singing.

28. Pianos & upbeat piano pieces (like Private Detective by Philip Lane).

29. Suits.

30. Dressing up.

31. Watching someone you love get married.

32. Sugarcane juice in south Bombay.

33. Old TV shows like Full House and Different Strokes.

34. Waking up and finding out you have hours left to sleep.

35. Turning your phone on after a long time (like after a long vacation) and seeing 3456789 unread messages.

36. Receiving email from real people.

37. Old Hindi songs.

38. Trains.

39. Old notebooks filled with snippets of writing.

40. Shiny-glossy-post haircut-set-and-blowdried-hair.

41. School 😀

42. Getting accepted for publishing!

43. Being productive.

44. Fighting procrastination.

45. Sambar.

46. Nice movies.

47. Pretty pictures.

48. Good TV Shows like – Castle, White Collar, Make it or break it, New Girl.

49. Songs that seem to be the story of your life.

50. The Scientist by Coldplay

Smile More. Laugh often. Love Always !

Love,
Miss S.

Waqt guzarta hi rehta hai !!

So all of us have seen ‘Yeh Jawaani hai Deewani’ – I have seen it Thrice..(Crazy , I know)

Amongst so many things that I liked in the movie, one favourite is the dialogue – Guzarta waqt hai aur kharch hum hain..How True, isn’t it ?
Everyone is waiting for a tommorrow..
Wanna spend time with the loved one, It has to wait till tomorrow..
Have to call an old friend, It can wait till tomorrow..
Have to tell someone you love them.. too scares today, I’ll tell tomorrow..

Whats wrong with today, its as good – or – bad as tomorrow maybe..

Life is very unpredictible..

You may end up doing things you thought you could never do..
And things that you planned may not be completed..
The Best you can do with this is..(as said in the movie)..
Kuch na kuch toh chutega hi, jo abhi hai usi ka maza lo..

Decide whether you wanna live in the moment or go by plan..Most often, Plans will go for a toss..
so Stop,
look around..
Breathe..
Go hug someone..
Go say I love you, to someone you love..
Just Live..
Love..
Follow you heart..

Smile More. Laugh often. Love Always !

Love,
Miss S.

People who stay :)

Not everyone, and not everything, is meant to stay. There are things you don’t want to happen but they will and you have to accept ,people you can’t live without but you have to let go . Some circumstances and people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. Some people just aren’t meant to stay in our lives forever, maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something , a lesson we need to learn , and that’s why they are there.

And as they say Most great things in your life won’t happen by chance, they will happen by choice. Same goes with people. While some people come in our lives for going,  there are others who choose to stay, no matter what circumstances, no matter what happens and where life takes you. They are there round the corners . If you look back , you’ll realise some people who were once a huge part of ur life arent there today, maybe because of circumstances or just lost touch in the busiest lifes. Dont feel sad about them , instead think of the people who make your world a special place just by being in it. There are people in everyone’s life who stick to you by your pony tail days to your wedding day and even beyond that , the people whom you took bicycle rides with and now celebrating the joy of first salary. Life is indeed all about such people only. They are the ones who will irritate you the most , fight with you , become unbearable at times but these unbearable ones are the ones you need the most in your life. Be thankful for the people who came and never left.

 

P.S : To my new friend , I just hope (pray) you are one of them 🙂

Ek Dost !

It was a fabulous day.. Not the way it was planned but awesome (details on that later) AND that is how most of us find Happiness – Unplanned..

01st June 2013.

It was a day I met a friend, somebody with whom I have been planning to meet for over than a year but couldn’t.. Finally, We met today..So I thought of doing a post for/of him..

Mr. Friend & I go a long way.. The times when we somehow ended up making friends and chatting on Facebook for sometime..

For some reason (Weird ones, though!) We lost touch..

And then one fine day.. he messaged me saying that He is shifting base to another city that weekend..

22nd November, 2011..

The evening he was about to leave, I called him up to wish him Luck for his new Beginning.. (That, was our first telephonic conversation) and we ended up talking for till wee hours of the morning.. Yeah.. I don’t really know the reasons, maybe we both were trying to get over our heartbreaks (That is another story.. the people whom we were trying to get over were dating each other – Small World I tell you..)

Our calls became more regulars, our conversations more deep.. I don’t know if we were really falling for each other or just helping each other get over the past.. whatever it was, It was nice, beautiful..

None of us “loved ” each other but yeah,

We were crazy, so were our conversation.. We spoke about every damn thing in the world..

We were great friends.. We were important to each other.. But lastly and most importantly ..We made each other Smile !!!Image

However, Sooner than later, I realized , I could not get over “The Boy who called me Sugar” and maybe Mr. “Friend” was just an escape.. Which was wrong, totally..

I didn’t wanna hurt Mr. Friend in the bargain, so I started keeping distance from him.. Meanwhile, Mr. Friend met an old-forgotten school mate who in months become his Soul-Mate..

I was happy and scared for him.. Happy because He was in Love.. Scared because I hope it was Love.. Forever types love..

———————————

The Guy I met today, may not be the same person I met 2 years back.. He is less – reserved and more mature then he was..

HE is a married man, today.. happy too , (I hope…. & Touch wood)

But something about him has changed.. something I can’t express.. Hmm.. He smiles more, but seems less happy..I mean Dil se wala happy..

He seems to have made peace with Life…not in a good way though..

He seems to have packed a part of him in a box and promised not to let it out, ever.. The part of him that got attached easily.. The part of him that got hurt.. The part of him that felt happy.. The Part of him that I found missing today..

He seems to be looking for something…… Peace, Happiness, Love, Probably I don’t know.. I just hope he finds it at the right place…..

No ! He is no Sad-Soul.. He is of the few people who can smile easily and brighten up other people’s day.. He is got the sense of humor that would tickle you till days..

He is fun , Loving.. Adorable !

Just that, He is not himself anymore..

Image

————————————————-

All I want him to know is, I am there..

No matter how often or seldom we meet or talk,

No matter which continents we stay in..

we are still under the same sky and I am there.

As I always say.. I’ll be there for you..Today, tomorrow and forever.. 🙂

 

Waiting for Justice !

I was actually on a break from this blog, and writing as well, owing to my exams that begin in May..

But I Read about the Delhi Rape, and couldn’t help but pour my thoughts on my blog..

—————————————————————————————————————

So have you read about what happened to the Five-year old girl?? I DID & I cried.

I read it again, i cried again..the thought of the pain, that I can’t even imagine, that she must have gone through.. Makes me shudder and feel numb, to say the least..

She was raped for 72 hours, She was left alone to die for two days, her parents were paid by police to shut up and end the matter… Really ?? and if that’s not bad enough, the protesters (read: another female) was slapped by ‘A someone’ who is(was) appointed to protect citizens.. he did a good job, right ? in protecting himself from being a Man ..

I am Speechless..

I am angry, I am sad… I am every bad feeling that God ever made..

They shoved a plastic bottle and three candles in her PRIVATE PARTS.. Christ !! She was five.. Somebody who had still not learnt to speak properly.. Someone who had not seen anything, anything at all in life..  Someone who still had to learn to cycle.. Someone who still had to feel and enjoy her childhood, like we all did..someone who – is right now fighting for her life..

We all say that childhood is the best part of your life, can we say the same for this girl.. Those B@$%@#^*$ have taken away all that from her.. And all because they wanted to satisfy their urge to screw up someone and someone’s life..

What happened to that just-another-regular-girl-in-Delhi in December??

Did we forget it.. Oh Yes! Our Government made ‘some plan’ in her name in the budget, and very conveniently forgot about it..

Not that this was the first rape of our country. That this would be last is beyond imagination.  I cried when I read about her too..

Why ? You wonder..

She was as same age as me . She shared my birth – month & year.. She was just like me, with dreams, hopes and aspirations. You, as my friend, reading this outburst in words, how would you feel if I would have been in her place in that bus? How would you feel if the next morning you tried to call me and found out that I had to go through such a heinous act by mankind just a mere twelve hours back? How would you feel?

That feeling is maybe what is missing in people today.

But the least, I was praying for was something as brutal and inhuman like it, never-ever happening again, not to say, to a five year old girl.. 

Sometime ago, I read an article about this woman being raped because she was ‘improperly-dressed’! Another one was because, she was roaming with a guy, at 10 in the night… and so –on… And of-course, my favorite ( get the sarcasm and anger ?) was a certain ‘God-person’ claiming that it was the girl’s fault as she did not refer the rapists as ‘Bhaiya’ (Hindi for brother) .. As much as they make me wanna slap every damn jerk who said it and agreed to it.. All, I wanna ask to all those people is, so, what was wrong with this innocent five-year-old girl? What freaking excuse do you have now?

Hash.. I am disappointed.. 

I am waiting…

I am waiting for an answer..

I am waiting for justice..

I am waiting for punishment for every a$$-h*** that has tried hurting a female, in a any way..

I am waiting for some peace..

and lastly

I am waiting for a safer-better world…

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