Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..



What if I don’t wake up tomorrow ?

For more than a month now , I have been sleeping with a hope of not getting up the next day..

and then today morning, When I felt really alone.. I thought to myself.. Is this ME ?

I have been someone who fought and did not wish for a easier way-out ever.. So, today instead of hoping that I don’t get up ..I thought of what if I really don’t wake up tomorrow ?

What will happen to the dreams I yet have to full-fill.. dreams of painting walls around the world, or becoming a home-chef..

What will happen to the unfinished stories in my head and the blank pages of my diary ?

What will happen to my hard-earned CA Degree ?

What about the people I forgot to confess my love to or the chances I never took ?

What about the places I am yet to see and the books I have never read ?

What about the life I wanted to cherish and the home that I wanted to build.. the wishes yet to be full-filled and the ones that I still have to make ?

Its’s not about the suffering of my family or the emptiness in the life of the Man I love.. The vacuum in the life of people who love me… It’s about Me !



I found this very well-written, true to its element note on Tumblr and a blog and I thought I’d share it here.

Here it is.

“1. Do not kill yourself. Killing yourself is very messy and your mother will cry over you. It is not beautiful or brave, and even if it was, you will not be around to see that.

2. Washing your hair is going to be a chore. But you should do it anyway. Because you will feel better about yourself.

3. Get up late. Have a lay in. Sleep past your alarm. You have a very long life ahead of you and for now you should appreciate the cold side of your pillow.

4. He/she is going to break your heart but he’s just another human who finds it hard to deal with Mondays, too. So in a month you’ll wake up and you won’t even remember that little scar on his/her cheek you kissed.

5. Don’t spend hours looking up what your name means on google. Your name is your name and you should go out there and do heroic and good deeds and give your name your own meaning.

6. Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.

7. Music is good for your soul. Some music will energise you and boost your ego and pop music will cheer you up. Indie music will make you think and emotional songs will make you cry and think about that Love again. It’s healthy.

8. Sadness is not poetic. Depression is not beautiful. Laying in bed all day and eating too much is lazy and disgusting and it is not tragic or pretty. Get up. Go outside. Let the sun warm your bones. Live.

9. If it makes you happy, buy twenty of it. Dedicate your life to it. Print it on tv shirts and collect things and draw art of it. Do not care what people think. They are the unhappy people you need to avoid. The abuse they will hurl at you is painless compared to how sad they are. Pity them. Remain happy.

10. You are allowed to be angry. But the world is not working against you. The flowers do not bloom for you and when your mother shouts ask her if she is okay instead of thinking she hates you. She never will. The world walks beside you and is silent. It does not trip you up or carry you.

11. Eat when you are hungry. Being bored does not constitute a chocolate bar. Sleep with you are tired. Do not mindlessly obey the sleep at night rule. If you are not tired, do not sleep.”

Some of these points made a lot of sense of to me. I hope they made sense to you too.

Or atleast, I hope they made for a good read.

Carpe Diem!

P for Paint Brush #AtoZChallenge

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn’t show.
I’m so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you’ll do – that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose you.

I’d like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love Me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn’t understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

O for Optimism & obstacles.. #AtoZChallenge

“It’s no use having light if you don’t open the curtains.”  said Saanjh pulling up the curtains. The sunrays beamed and touched Kavya’s room and lit it up.. Kavya looked at Saanjh and though to herself ” It’s so easy for Saanjh to say all this optimistic lines.. she’s always had it all so easy.. she s slim and confident.. she ll get any guy.. unlike the fatty me.. Sameer left me.. what issues does she have in life.. her perfect life..” Disrupted by a pat on the shoulder from Saanjh..”Kavya.. let’s go out.. It’s a beautiful day!” Saanjh wanted to cheer up her l’il friend.. Saanjh took her for lunch to Kavya’s favourite restaurant.. ordered her favourite food.. and still not a single smile appeared on Kavya’s face.. “Kavya, i know it’s difficult.. but you can’t let all this take away your life.. I am not saying its ok.. i am saying.. It will be” “Saanjh.. It’s easier said then done.. you say you understand, you don’t .. you don’t know what is it to be dumped by the boy who you loved.. to be all be heartbroken” Saanjh grinned ” Actually I do.. When I was your age.. You ended a two-month relationship.. I was through an end of a two-year old relationship without even a goodbye.. I saw him moving on to another girl without even ending it with me.. I made friends with his girl and lived my pain for days.. but you know what.. five years later.. IT got over.. cause I believed it will.. Cause I have believed that it is the darkest before the dawn.. Cause everything becomes okay by the end..” “And now I have a messed up life.. I love someone and my parents are set to get me married to someone I hate…” “What.. How .. why ?” Kavya was stunned.. “Dont worry!  i still think it will be okay.. I will be happy.. sooner or later! So you see my life isn’t perfect.. but then I know it will get will be okay” A light was dawning in Kavya’s head. Life had handed Saanjh some pretty pathetic cards too, but her secret was in how she dealt with them. Her curtains were always open. Kavya hugged Saanjh and wiped the tears. Saanjh smiled through the tears, like she had always done..and Kavya promised herself to keep the Curtains open..No matter what the weather she was determined not to miss out on those sunny days. #Optimism

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge.

A to Z Challenge.. K – Kevin Doyle (27 Dresses)#AtoZChallenge

We all have been in love with some or the other move character at a point of time. My love – Kevin Doyle from the Rom-Com ’27 Dresses’. He is my kindda guy..HE IS MY Guy!

Blunt.. Witty.. Brooding Eyes.. Self-made.. Caring(he gives her a blackberry so she doesn’t have to carry her FiloFax’..Awe)…  Writer..(Brownie Points )Human.. Romantic.. the way he looks at her..

“Do you wanna know the real reason why I came here tonight? Because I knew this was going to be hard for you. And for the first time in a really long time I wanted to be there for somebody…. But I want you to know that I think you deserve…I think you deserve more than what you’ve settled for. I do. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change. I believe that.”

Uh! he is everything that a perfect guy should be.. actually he is more 🙂

C’mon people.. tell me your favorite Movie Character 🙂


P.S A to Z challenge 

Another Tag : 30 Qstns : Me & Him :) #Love

For lack of not being able to go out. For lack of being bored.. We took this stupid 30 Qstns together.. n.. uhmm…it wasn’t that bad 🙂 So Let’s begin.. My Answers / His Answers ————————————————– 1) When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? My hair has grown longer / My hair is looking worst than the last time 2) How much cash do you have in your wallet right now? 800 bucks/ 100 rs n that 1 re coin given by me 3) What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Floor / Bore 4) Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? No phone L / A friend called Duggu 5) What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Ye Dooriyan – Instrumental (Movie : Love Aaj Kal) / Andorid-porn 6)What are you wearing right now? Green Kurti n Jeans / cream color shirt n jeans 7) Label yourself? His / Good-boy (yeah-rite) 8) Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own? Inc 5 / Nike 9) Bright or Dark Room? mrng – bright room with colors- afternoon onwards – dark room with dim lights / Dark with lots of small colourfull lights 10) What do you think about the person who took this survey with you? him.. i dont like him.. / Shes hot n cute at the same time N I love her more than nythg 11) What does your watch look like? *gabbar style laughter * a simple rectangle dial with black belt / looks like Her (Cheesy) 12) What were you doing at midnight last night? Studying.. sorry.. trying to study/ watching a match on tv 13) What did your last text message you received on your cell say? How r you.. Call me back / me cutting ke liye gaya hu vo 14) What’s a word that you say a lot? Dumb / Hmmmmm 15)Who told you he/she loved you last? He did à / ß She did 16) Last furry thing you touched? Does my hair count? / A colony dog by her name 19) Your favourite age so far 24, It was a very special year. / 21 18) What was the last thing you said to someone? uffffff / broe ho raha hai 19) The last song you listened to? The Readon – Hoobastank / Lean on – Major LAzer 20) Where did you live in 1987? Matunga , Mumbai L (I miss it)* / F-type blocks , parel, mumbai *he sent me a I miss u after readin this.. **blush-blush** 21) Are you jealous of anyone? A l’il of a “friend” of his who gets to spend time with him..n ot her fault / People whose name begins with N.. 22) Is anyone jealous of you? I’m sure there must be few. / May-be 23) Name three things that you have in your bag/with you at all times? Phone / Wallet / My ring / Deo , a book n id card 24) What’s your favourite town/city? Mumbai / Mumbai.. coz I stay here.. cheesy :p 25) When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? March 2015 , (His b’day) didn’t mail it.. / to a friend, as a kid.. 26) Can you change the oil on a car? Never tried./ No 27) Your first love/big crush: What is the last thing you heard about him/her? You wanna know about the first love or the first crush? Ok I’ll answer both. First love – – The Boy Who called me sugar.. havent spoken to him in a year. / The owner of this blog.. last thing.. she loves me J First Big Crush – – College,Last heard, he’s in Banaglore & happy / dsnt remm Much.. 28) Does anything hurt on your body right now? My head from lack of caffeine. I need a coffee ! / Neck L 29) What is your current desktop picture? Mom-Dad’s picture / 30) Have you been in love? Best part about it ? Yes.. yes.. it makes me look forward to tomorrows.. even in bad times / Yes – The best part is when someone loves u back and thee feeling of being complete 🙂 204709f6fdb000a3241237faf9f901ea (1)

A-Z Challenge : I for If….

If I were a month, I’d be June.. Rains

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday..

If I were a time of day, I’d be 6.30pm.. Suits my name, no?

If I were a season, I’d be Rains..

If I were a planet, I’d be Earth.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Dolphin..

If I were a direction, I’d be East.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Book-Shelf.

If I were a liquid, I’d be Water

If I were a tree, I’d be a Cherry tree.. A chapter from school 🙂

If I were a tool, I’d be a Nail

If I were an element, I’d be Silver

If I were a gemstone, I’d be Diamond..

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a Guitar

If I were a color, I’d be White

If I were a emotion, I’d be Happiness

If I were a fruit, I’d be an Mango

If I were a sound, I’d be the sound of wind chimes/bells in the distance.

If I were a car, I’d be a Jaguar

If I were food, I’d be Pani-Puri for me & cheese for Him

If I were a taste, I’d be Spicy-Tangy

If I were a scent, I’d be Floral

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be Stilettos

And if I were a bird, I’d be an Eagle..

……….go it’s your turn to give it a shot!

Song 4 : From the Heart (OST – Notting Hill)

I know you’ve heard these words a hundred other times before
And you’ve been hurt and so your heart has chose to close the door
Love broke your heart and brought you lies
Look in my eyes
You’ll see a love that’s deep and true
Tender and strong and all for you
You can trust this love
Honest, that’s the honest truth
From the heart
I’m giving you everything, everything
From the heart
I promise you that I’ll be there
I’ll be there to love you
From the soul
I’m showing you all I feel, all I feel is
From the heart, from the heart
I will protect you and respect you and be all you need
And when you reach for love you’ll only need to reach for me
These arms will never let you down
They’re staying around
I’ll walk with you through every storm
I’ll keep you safe, I’ll keep you warm
And you’ll have no doubt
You’re the one I’m living for
From the heart (from the heart baby)
I’m giving you everything (oh) everything (giving you everything)
From the heart (my heart)
I promise you that I’ll be there (I’ll be there for you)
I’ll be there to love you
From the soul
I’m showing you all I feel, all I feel (I’m showing you)
All I feel (all I feel) is
From the heart, from the heart (from the heart)
I’ll provide the love you need
Just trust my touch
Believe in me
I’ll never make you cry
Givin’ all I got with all I got inside
From the heart
I’m giving you everything, everything (giving you everything)
From the heart (from my heart)
I promise you that I’ll be there (I’ll be there to love you, love you, ooh)
I’ll be there to love you (ohh)
From the soul (my soul)
I’m showing you all I feel (all I feel) all I feel (all I feel) is
From the heart (the heart) from the heart
Ooh, from the heart, from the heart.

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