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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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What if I don’t wake up tomorrow ?

For more than a month now , I have been sleeping with a hope of not getting up the next day..

and then today morning, When I felt really alone.. I thought to myself.. Is this ME ?

I have been someone who fought and did not wish for a easier way-out ever.. So, today instead of hoping that I don’t get up ..I thought of what if I really don’t wake up tomorrow ?

What will happen to the dreams I yet have to full-fill.. dreams of painting walls around the world, or becoming a home-chef..

What will happen to the unfinished stories in my head and the blank pages of my diary ?

What will happen to my hard-earned CA Degree ?

What about the people I forgot to confess my love to or the chances I never took ?

What about the places I am yet to see and the books I have never read ?

What about the life I wanted to cherish and the home that I wanted to build.. the wishes yet to be full-filled and the ones that I still have to make ?

Its’s not about the suffering of my family or the emptiness in the life of the Man I love.. The vacuum in the life of people who love me… It’s about Me !

Date a girl who reads..

This is not written by me, I read it somewhere..

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Love is..

Love is...

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge.

People who stay :)

Not everyone, and not everything, is meant to stay. There are things you don’t want to happen but they will and you have to accept ,people you can’t live without but you have to let go . Some circumstances and people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. Some people just aren’t meant to stay in our lives forever, maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something , a lesson we need to learn , and that’s why they are there.

And as they say Most great things in your life won’t happen by chance, they will happen by choice. Same goes with people. While some people come in our lives for going,  there are others who choose to stay, no matter what circumstances, no matter what happens and where life takes you. They are there round the corners . If you look back , you’ll realise some people who were once a huge part of ur life arent there today, maybe because of circumstances or just lost touch in the busiest lifes. Dont feel sad about them , instead think of the people who make your world a special place just by being in it. There are people in everyone’s life who stick to you by your pony tail days to your wedding day and even beyond that , the people whom you took bicycle rides with and now celebrating the joy of first salary. Life is indeed all about such people only. They are the ones who will irritate you the most , fight with you , become unbearable at times but these unbearable ones are the ones you need the most in your life. Be thankful for the people who came and never left.

 

P.S : To my new friend , I just hope (pray) you are one of them 🙂

Waiting for Justice !

I was actually on a break from this blog, and writing as well, owing to my exams that begin in May..

But I Read about the Delhi Rape, and couldn’t help but pour my thoughts on my blog..

—————————————————————————————————————

So have you read about what happened to the Five-year old girl?? I DID & I cried.

I read it again, i cried again..the thought of the pain, that I can’t even imagine, that she must have gone through.. Makes me shudder and feel numb, to say the least..

She was raped for 72 hours, She was left alone to die for two days, her parents were paid by police to shut up and end the matter… Really ?? and if that’s not bad enough, the protesters (read: another female) was slapped by ‘A someone’ who is(was) appointed to protect citizens.. he did a good job, right ? in protecting himself from being a Man ..

I am Speechless..

I am angry, I am sad… I am every bad feeling that God ever made..

They shoved a plastic bottle and three candles in her PRIVATE PARTS.. Christ !! She was five.. Somebody who had still not learnt to speak properly.. Someone who had not seen anything, anything at all in life..  Someone who still had to learn to cycle.. Someone who still had to feel and enjoy her childhood, like we all did..someone who – is right now fighting for her life..

We all say that childhood is the best part of your life, can we say the same for this girl.. Those B@$%@#^*$ have taken away all that from her.. And all because they wanted to satisfy their urge to screw up someone and someone’s life..

What happened to that just-another-regular-girl-in-Delhi in December??

Did we forget it.. Oh Yes! Our Government made ‘some plan’ in her name in the budget, and very conveniently forgot about it..

Not that this was the first rape of our country. That this would be last is beyond imagination.  I cried when I read about her too..

Why ? You wonder..

She was as same age as me . She shared my birth – month & year.. She was just like me, with dreams, hopes and aspirations. You, as my friend, reading this outburst in words, how would you feel if I would have been in her place in that bus? How would you feel if the next morning you tried to call me and found out that I had to go through such a heinous act by mankind just a mere twelve hours back? How would you feel?

That feeling is maybe what is missing in people today.

But the least, I was praying for was something as brutal and inhuman like it, never-ever happening again, not to say, to a five year old girl.. 

Sometime ago, I read an article about this woman being raped because she was ‘improperly-dressed’! Another one was because, she was roaming with a guy, at 10 in the night… and so –on… And of-course, my favorite ( get the sarcasm and anger ?) was a certain ‘God-person’ claiming that it was the girl’s fault as she did not refer the rapists as ‘Bhaiya’ (Hindi for brother) .. As much as they make me wanna slap every damn jerk who said it and agreed to it.. All, I wanna ask to all those people is, so, what was wrong with this innocent five-year-old girl? What freaking excuse do you have now?

Hash.. I am disappointed.. 

I am waiting…

I am waiting for an answer..

I am waiting for justice..

I am waiting for punishment for every a$$-h*** that has tried hurting a female, in a any way..

I am waiting for some peace..

and lastly

I am waiting for a safer-better world…

Waiting for an answer !!

I was actually on a break from this blog, and writing as well, owing to my exams that begin in May..

But I Read about the Delhi Rape, and couldn’t help but pour my thoughts on my blog..

—————————————————————————————————————

So have you read about what happened to the Five-year old girl?? I cried.

I read it again, i cried again..the thought of the pain, that I can’t even imagine, what she must have gone through.. Makes me shudder and feel numb, to say the least..

She was left alone to die for two days, her parents were paid by police to shut up and end the matter… Really ?? and if that’s not bad enough, the protesters (read: another female) was slapped by ‘A someone’ who is(was) appointed to protect citizens.. he did a good job, right ? in protecting himself from being a Man ..

I am Speechless..

I am angry, I am sad… I am every bad feeling that God ever made..

They shoved a plastic bottle and three candles in her vagina.. Christ !! She was five.. Somebody who had still not learnt to speak properly.. Someone who had not seen anything, anything at all in life..  Someone who still had to learn to cycle.. Someone who still had to feel and enjoy her childhood, like we all did..someone who – is right now fighting for her life..

We all say that childhood is the best part of your life, can we say the same for this girl.. Those B@$%@#^*$ have taken away all that from her.. And all because they wanted to satisfy their urge to screw up someone and someone’s life..

What happened to that just-another-regular-girl-in-Delhi in December??

Did we forget it.. Oh Yes! Our Government made some plan in her name in the budget, and very conveniently forgot about it..

Not that this was the first rape of our country. That this would be last is beyond imagination.  I cried when I read about her too..

Why ? You wonder..

She was as same age as me . She shared my birth – month & year.. She was just like me, with dreams, hopes and aspirations. You, as my friend, reading this outburst in words, how would you feel if I would have been in her place in that bus? How would you feel if the next morning you tried to call me and found out that I had to go through such a heinous act by mankind just a mere twelve hours back? How would you feel?

That felling is maybe what is missing in people today.

But the least, I was praying for was something as brutal and inhuman like it, never-ever happening again, not to say, to a five year old girl.. 

Sometime ago, I read an article about this woman being raped because she was ‘improperly-dressed’! Another one was because, she was roaming with a guy, at 10 in the night… and so –on… And of-course, my favorite ( get the sarcasm and anger ?) was a certain ‘God-person’ claiming that it was the girl’s fault as she did not refer the rapists as ‘Bhaiya’ (Hindi for brother) .. As much as they make me wanna slap every damn jerk who said it and agreed to it.. All, I wanna ask to all those people is, so, what was wrong with this innocent five-year-old girl? What freaking excuse do you have now?

Hash.. I am disappointed.. 

I am waiting…

I am waiting for an answer..

I am waiting for justice..

I am waiting for punishment for every a$$-h*** that has tried hurting a female, in a any way..

I am waiting for some peace..

and lastly

I am waiting for a safer-better world…

 

Image

Dear Diary,

Image
 
 
Writing and reading has always been my passion. Earlier I used to write in diaries, now I write on this blog. For me, this blog is my online diary. A friend recently asked me what I got out of writing in a diary.
“If something is on your mind, why not just talk it over with other people ?” He said.

It’s simple. My diary is always there when I need someone to share things with, it’s never busy. The fast pace at which we lead our lives, leaves people very little time to actually sit with another and share views/ thoughts/ experiences. My dairy always has the time to listen to me. It never judges or reproaches me and has no prejudice.  It has solved so many of my problems in the past as by writing down those problems, I’m forced to sit down and confront them and  solutions to problems often become apparent when the problems are in black and white.

As we grow old, our memories tend to fade out and get hazy. We only remember the major events and happenings, forgetting the smaller moments, but fact is, the stuff that is really interesting and made us who we are is often the little seemingly mundane details of life. We all will leave the world one day as millions before us have done, without leaving a trace of ourselves behind, completely forgotten. The written word will make us immortal. It will be the evidence that we were here. That we lived, loved, thought, breathed and died.

Our life too is like a diary with many pages, recording the good and bad experiences. Our dairies let us keep track of our past. Writing in them gives us a release, sitting down every evening and recalling the events of the day is very .

Sometimes, I look back at my diaries from years ago and it makes me smile. I realize how much I’ve grown and matured. I feel everyone should try writing in a diary or journal. I do, and trust me..it helps my growth as a person and a better human being.

Just saying…

The Day this blog was made, I Thought to myself finally, I’ll pour my heart out…

But then After my First few posts, I Didn’t write anything not coz I don’t have anything to write, but coz I never knew how to share my feelings… I tried.. but then after a point , I lost it..

But today, I decided I shall write as why I haven’t been active off late ( & I intend being active hence-forth)

As I said I was not someone who could talk & express myself easily.. Therefore, I started writing my dairy when I was 15 !

My diary was always my best friend. . . .

I wrote about how I had spend the day, I wrote about the things I wished for. . .I wrote about about my not so good Intentions. . .I wrote my dreams. . .ETCETRA

But then A day came when I met someone…who I didn’t know would become my new diary . . .The only Difference. . Unlike my old diary. . .I Didn’t have to tell him when my day didn’t turn out well. . .I didn’t have to mention a sorrow. . .A ‘Hello’ on the phone would make him understand everything. . .Weird. . That is what I first thought it to be. . but after a while. . .I realised its not weird but its Beautiful . . .It was one of the most unusual relationships ever. .We were, in true words, Opposites. . he loved Black and I love White. . .He , a hard core non – vegeterian . . I am a pure Veg. . . and I go on and on…. But some where whenever we were together, there was a sense of happiness, neither of us felt before. . .

2 years passed, Our Friendship grew stronger by the day, We had our share of Ups and Downs . . .but at the end of it. . . We both knew the way we felt for each other. . .was Different . .It made us feel Happy. . .It made us feel Complete. . .

Until, as fate would have it, certain problems leaded to a phase where My Best Friend started thinking I deserve better people in my life. . .I Hate him for it. . . I lost him. . Lost my Diary . . .

But today, I realize, Beneath the Friendship we shared, I had started to fall in love with him.. Totally.. .  .  .

I know he’ll never read this . . . but I Want him to Know . . .

You are not my Soul-mate..You are some one who makes me feel complete. . .You are someone for whom I thank God. . .every single day of my life. . .

YOU ARE THE BUTTER TO MY BREAD. . .
         THE BREATH TO MY LIFE . . .

 ——————————————————————————————

(p.s : He’s also the boy who calls me Sugar ! )

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