Search

Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

Tag

Diary

It rains…

Getting up early on a cloudy morning, knowing that the feeble light that enters your room had divorced the boring, punctual time long back, is agonizing. It brings about waves of feelings rushing unto your mind. The outstation boy starts missing his home, the scent of his mother that only mothers have. The city girl is caught indecisive between the immediate and the moment later – she chooses to stay at bed convincing her of an illusion of the alarm. And the writers wait for the sound of rain. Cloudy morning dullness is pandemic. It touches all, paused to let each one of us have a philosophical view of life that has been and that is to be on a balance sheet.

Rain blushes with poetry from an old window view, the same gushes with disgust in an water-logged street. Most of the Cities in tropical India are a pampered child along the south while the northern parts of them are still parental – they are orthodox, troubling and still warm. People excuse themselves in the name of rains for missing out on zeros that sit on the right side of any random number. Children act, if better they miss the school bus. There is a happy union all of a sudden as the family sits down to have khichdi and papad. There is a glow in the mother’s face that doesn’t need any astronomical help to be recognized. Suddenly she gets two of her most faithful audience to talk about an ordinary life. Her warmth increases with cohesion.

Surprising as it is, one big umbrella shelters two genders underneath. Drizzles are as romantic as they sound and as they pour. There is an otherworldly charm in not visting western concretes still colonizing our cities. They sit on an bench, umbrella guarding them more from the intruders than the gravitating clouds. The umbrella was never enough for the two. But, when he recited a shy poem, the drops on her face could find a stream to hide in the name of rains. He did not notice. She did not want him to. Quietly rains condense. And so does love.

Life in rains has always been expansile. It has been about a little bit of glum, a handful of romance and lazy surprises. If there was ever a time to write a poetry, it is now. If there was ever a time to gift a flower, do not wait. If there was ever a time to say someone let us go to the sea, do not carry an umbrella.

Life was never so much about soaking in itself, but everything around it.

So it rains.

Advertisements

What if I don’t wake up tomorrow ?

For more than a month now , I have been sleeping with a hope of not getting up the next day..

and then today morning, When I felt really alone.. I thought to myself.. Is this ME ?

I have been someone who fought and did not wish for a easier way-out ever.. So, today instead of hoping that I don’t get up ..I thought of what if I really don’t wake up tomorrow ?

What will happen to the dreams I yet have to full-fill.. dreams of painting walls around the world, or becoming a home-chef..

What will happen to the unfinished stories in my head and the blank pages of my diary ?

What will happen to my hard-earned CA Degree ?

What about the people I forgot to confess my love to or the chances I never took ?

What about the places I am yet to see and the books I have never read ?

What about the life I wanted to cherish and the home that I wanted to build.. the wishes yet to be full-filled and the ones that I still have to make ?

Its’s not about the suffering of my family or the emptiness in the life of the Man I love.. The vacuum in the life of people who love me… It’s about Me !

Dear Diary..

193322d46ffa032d1b3f4cf5310a635e

I remember writing this two words in my diary about 6 years back – Emotionally damaged..

I don’t I knew what that meant.. I just knew that I couldn’t believe that people could love other people.. That it was possible for two people to be happy together.. I was not able to cry on things that were sad and stupid things made me cry at the drop of the hat.. I wouldn’t be happy in anything.. Happy made me scared.. It still does.. I get sacred when something is happening without any issues.. when all is good and happy .. I freak out..

i push people away ..BIG TIME.. I don’t know how to react when someone compliments.. yes ! I have become better with time but I still suck at it.. I have someone who loves me..and every-time i end up discussing about how he could be happier with anybody else.. I just can’t gulp the fact that it is possible for someone to love me.. I am too worn out for that.. Not meant for love I guess..

I craved for a casual relationship at a point of time.. I didn’t want the emotional attachment.. I am still scared of it.. Not because i will be hurt.. but I will hurt someone…

I have random nightmares where m all alone in the world and everyone is so busy around me.. That’s my phobia.. Being alone.. I want people around me all the time..alllll the time.. That’s my biggest fear.. of being alone..

I haven’t slept peacefully since a year.. that and I know what else .. has made me super short tempered..

I crave for attention..off-late..and at the same time I wanna be left alone.. I wanna be left only for people to come back.. that’s sick.. and human.. i think..

I want my life to be like a movie.. where i am low and my hero comes running through old forts to tell me that he loves me.. (Reference : Love Aaj Kal)

and at the end of all this.. I believe that I will be okay.. Alone,maybe..but definitely okay..

P.S: I don’t know what this post is about.. Just random ramblings, in its truest form 🙂

Who am I ?

I’m on this never ending quest, of looking for inspiration, for knowledge and for hope.
I’m out in this big world, searching and discovering the greatness that lies within the boundaries of fear and the unknown.
I’m a traveller on an unknown path.

I’m a sailor on the rough seas.
I’m a dreamer, with a million dreams.
I’m a girl, who hopes to be seen.

I have seen the worst of days, wherein my world spun around like a crazy tornado. People changed. Times passed. Situations went awry and nights seemed long.
But still, that tiny voice inside, never did let me shatter.
Disappointments came, lingered for a while and went.
People came, made themselves count, pretended, hurt and left.
But I, I stood strong.
I held my ground.

I’ve learnt to forgive, if not forget. After all, you can forget things people say, but not how they make you feel. I’ve learnt that the one person who builds you up, is the one who breaks you down. And that things never go as we expect them to, despite of which, they bring forth better days!

So I dance in the rain.
Run through the pain.
Sail rough weathers.
And fly like a feather.
Let my instincts guide me,
Show me the light,
Bring destiny to me,
And smile through the night 🙂

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge

L for Love Letters #AtoZChallenge.

A to Z Challenge.. K – Kevin Doyle (27 Dresses)#AtoZChallenge

We all have been in love with some or the other move character at a point of time. My love – Kevin Doyle from the Rom-Com ’27 Dresses’. He is my kindda guy..HE IS MY Guy!

Blunt.. Witty.. Brooding Eyes.. Self-made.. Caring(he gives her a blackberry so she doesn’t have to carry her FiloFax’..Awe)…  Writer..(Brownie Points )Human.. Romantic.. the way he looks at her..

“Do you wanna know the real reason why I came here tonight? Because I knew this was going to be hard for you. And for the first time in a really long time I wanted to be there for somebody…. But I want you to know that I think you deserve…I think you deserve more than what you’ve settled for. I do. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change. I believe that.”

Uh! he is everything that a perfect guy should be.. actually he is more 🙂

C’mon people.. tell me your favorite Movie Character 🙂

—————————————-

P.S A to Z challenge 

A to Z Challenge.. H – Him !

Him !

Handsome

Helpful

Hesitant (Always)

Hilarious

Hot (Ahem :p)

Humble

Hair-Conscious

Husband  **

Hope

Happiness.

(He’s my Chandler)

———————————–
**Would-be , Should-be (Courtesy : Goofy’s Barney)

P.S A to Z challenge 

A to Z Challenge.. G – gREY’S aNATOMY

I sometimes wonder why I like Grey’s. Why do I go mad watching Grey’s Anatomy when it actually makes me weep at the end of almost every episode? People come up with the most absurd sicknesses. People die. People leave. George (:() , Izzie are no longer in the show but I still go ahead and watch it. Does it distract me from what’s going on in my life or what?

No, it’s more than a mere distraction. I’m completely in love with every character in the show. I love the way Shonda has crafted them. So well thought of, so real. Like when Yang says she wishes she wanted a child but she knows she doesn’t how much ever she tries, I understand that feeling. And when Meredith says that she can’t draw the line between right and wrong, I start nodding like a freak.

Every episode leaves me with something. Every episode has a takeaway. And the best episodes are those that turn out to be creepily similar to what’s happening in your life. If not the situations, the emotions – something that just clicks.

They should make a book of Grey’s quotes. And that shall be my bible.

———————————————————————————————————

P.S A to Z challenge 

A to Z Challenge.. F – Few Firsts

Our life is kind of Mechanical. We get up – work– sleep. Repeat. I was thinking I was having fun with my life until one day I paused and looked back to find myself doing the same stuff, day-in and day-out. I never took a new route to work, nor experimented a new stall at cafeteria, or a new dish at my favorite restaurant. It’s always been preset for me. I make sure things are that way, without even my knowledge. Although there are a million things I haven’t tried out yet, I will list a few of my firsts first ! 😉

First Movie – Bol Radha Bol.. I still watch it everytime its on TV.

First Phone – Sony Ericsson Walkman. God knows how much I showed-off ! 😀 😛

First Salary – Salary would be 28th September, 2011

First Love –  Shahrukh Khan.. UFF ! those eyes…

First Book : Famous Five..

First Blog : secretivewriter.wordpress.com

So, when was the last you did something for the first time ?

P.S A to Z challenge 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: