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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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heartbreak

Untitled Ramblings

Maybe it wasn’t supposed to go this way. Not end like this. Maybe this wasn’t where she was supposed to be. Maybe some place else, maybe not alone.
The coffee had gone cold and it lay long forgotten. Just like so many other coffees did. With so many people. It lay unfinished. Like so many other things did. With so many people.
She looked at it for a while more and then started to drink it.
She looked out of the window for a while more.
And then she left.

Dear You,

When you think of me, remember me happily.

Remember the places we’ve been to and think of all the laughing we did- we always laughed quite a bit, didn’t we? and loved exploring new places ?

And then the creaky old broken branch which we sat at for hours on end. We talked and sometimes we didn’t. Sometimes the silence spoke. The love spoke when you wiped my tears over my broken heart or when I got possesive.

Remember the songs that we sang and listened together and the crazyness. We were always in such a hurry back then, weren’t we?

Remember the cream shirt? Sometimes, I wear it and think of you, think of happier times.

Remember my room and the memories of watching my old photographs.

Remember me telling you my dreams of painting, writing and listening to your broken heart when Naruto ended.

Remember your green t-shirt. Why it makes us both smile

 

Remember the earrings from Jaipur.. and how everything still smells of you.

Remember walking by the sea- that’s where I always found myself, still do. You let me be and kept quiet because you always knew talking would be wrong, just then.

Remember the chocolates and cups of morning tea. I never ate any because I thought they were too sweet and somehow you thought they were just right.

Remember the story of the food being unsalted. Somehow that day seems blurred now. It’s like there was no one else except you and me.

Remember when you got drunk on half a bottle of whiskey and held on me. And when you were low because you wanted someone special, I told you I’ll always be there and you brushed me off. But, didn’t you see? You were always my someone special. Remember the places we went to and the irani cakes. I can’t go there and not think of you. Remember the rain. And how it would cheer us up. You’d ask me to carry an umbrella and I never would. I’d get wet and then complain about the cold. And then about how our places to sit were wet.
I don’t say too much to you anymore. And I think of you only when someone else mentions you. when I see a how you would like. When I hear a song. When I look down from my balcony. When I breathe.. But then letting go is all you asked me to do and I WOULD LET YOU GO..
Even though you may mean the world to me..your world is not mine to be.

I DON’T LIKE…

I don’t like when my Subway is not toasted even when I tell them to “toast it’ a quarter of a million times.
I don’t like that it’s so hot. in July. Urgh !!
I don’t like people telling me to ‘Relax’ or even worse ‘Chill’. I just can’t stand it.
I don’t like people typing ‘LyK ThEeS’. Lyk.. I Mean Like Really ?
I don’t like people who are all cynical about everything. Bloody rational thinkers.
I don’t like how I have bad luck with everything right now.
I don’t like the smell of my hair right now. or for that matter, I don’t like my hair now.
I don’t like how people act like they’re talking about general stuff, but they’re actually talking about you and when you’re open enough to ask them if it’s you they act all hoity-toity and reply in the most patronizing voice imaginable, ‘Don’t over-analyze things’. No. I’m just saying. You know? Generally.
I don’t like stupid Facebook spam and candy crush requests.
I don’t like sexist people. Those ‘women in the kitchen’ types. ‘Make me a sandwich’ jokes will not be appreciated or entertained.
I don’t like that I don’t to ride a bike.
I don’t like how I don’t write happy stuff all that much anymore.
I don’t like how Flipkart has made me stop going to bookstores. It was the only kind of shopping I actually liked.
I don’t like eating at home. I want spaghetti. Or lasagne. Arrabiatta Pasta.
I don’t like people giving me a hard time for being a vegetarian.
I don’t like how no one else has heard Bridge Over Troubled Waters.
I don’t like Waiting for this phase to get over. Wait. That would be an understatement.
I don’t like people running for cover every time there’s a problem and saying things like ‘You’ve done it too’. It makes me question a lot of things, worsens my bad moods and makes me write like this.
I don’t like having a very few people to talk to and then not being able to talk to them.
I don’t like when I rely on others to love me and then them falling out of love with Me. I used to be the ‘ Main apni favourite hun’ girl. Shucks !
P.S. This isn’t directed towards anyone specific. Please don’t over analyze and think that it is. It’s really, really not. Okay?

It’s rambling of my head..

When I wake up…

Rather like a dream on waking;

In moments where wakefulness itself is unaware of being,

I reach out for you content in half knowledge

and bokeh memories that disperse with light.

Think of me when..

Think of me when you watch the big waves wash over the beach in their futile attempt to reconcile with the sky… of how i told you that I love that sound..

Of how excitedly I told you – of Movies.. of Monica and Chandler..of Castle…the dialogues

Stories of all that I loved and lost. And those of hope and love.

Stories of how my heart was broken and how you’d tell me that you hate the one who did it..

Think of me and how I could never hate. How I gave people benefit of doubt and you hated it !

Think of how I wrote you love letters. Blogs.

Think of me when you see that watch.. and when you see rings in a shop.. how much I loved them..

Think of me when you see a temple/church/mosque..

Tell your children I was wonderful. That I would’ve told them of Harry Potter and magic and Books, if I met them. Of Shahrukh Khan and Tangled..

Think of me when you smell old paper. Remember that I told you of how it smells amazing.

Think of me when you hear the names ‘Kabir’ and ‘Kiara’

Think of me when someone would sleep in your lap..

When you climb on to the tallest tower or back your car into the driveway, catch a whiff of my perfume and feel silly..

Think of me when you see a dog passing and there is no-one to be scared and holding your hands tight..

Climb on to the middle of the garden we sat. Laugh because you can’t help musing over how we did that and spoke about everything possible.. when we were…

Remember me crying as Krish and Ananya got married in 2 States..

Think of me when you hear I wanna grow old with you..

Think of me when someone played truth and dare with you..

The breezy cold wind in Lonavala and the stolen kiss.. and the voice of the koyal, the way I did it..

Remember the stories of wanting to travel the world.. trips to Spain..dart-game destination..

Think of me when you see a Sunset..

Think of me when a hot girl passes you and i’d have pinched for checking her out..

Think of me when you hear someone playing Antakshari and remember your own radio..

Remember the poems i told you.. dil tod tujhe jaane ki ijazzat aaj bhi hai..

Remember the lovers and poets, the dreamers. Think of the wishes of Forever and my fingers dancing on your palm..

Remember me when you see beautifully lights and lamps and remember how I wanted to do our house..

Remember when you see people hugging..

Let waves of nostalgia wash over you as you dance to Kabhi Kabhi, with a different woman in your arms. Wonder what if.

Reminisce about old bridges and skipping pebbles. Of Us and your forgotten love.

Wonder where I am. If I’m happy.
And then forget. Like you always do.
Only to remember again.

There’s nothing left of me now….

There is nothing left of me now …..
..there ‘s just the shadow of the days gone by…don’t know when you’ll be back…if you will be back ever..will you still look for me..if you do.. will you still find me … wonder if I would become a wall ..Or perhaps a creeper…
There’s nothing left of me now …I know now for sure …but perhaps there is just a little bit left to let you know that I once existed.

P.S : I need to distract myself off something today.. So I am posting anything and everything I can today..

07th July.. The day I fell out of love from Lilies

I have loved white lilies..since I think the day I first saw them.. I was in 6th I think..

I have loved sea view since ever. . Worli sea face ..Marine drive .. My peace..

I have loved hugs.. who doesn’t ? But I am.a big fan..it heals..

My smell .. I have always loved my perfume.. I have been buyinng the same brand for years now..

My hair. . I have loved my hair from the time you loved it…

And 07th July 2015..I fell out of love from all these..
Everything was a reminder of what was there and what’s gone..
What we used to be and what you made us to be..

Stay Happy, Stay Blessed..

Miss S 😄

Never mine to keep..

Sleepless nights.
Unvoiced sighs.
The absence of him touching through my skin,
The absence of his voice..
 
Silvery moonlight.
Star-spangled skies.
Like a sad lover, 
The night weeps on dawn’s doorstep.
Neither can remain in the presence of the other.
 
The hazy red of sunrise.
The wind in my hair.
The parting gift of the dying night –
Is a nip in the air.
And the glare of the sun,
A rude awakening.
 
Was I another Pygmalion
In an absurd dream?
Doomed to love a mound of stone till death.
Doomed to long for him to awake.
Whilst he slept his blissful, eternal sleep.
Perhaps, after all-
He was never mine to keep..
He was never mine to keep..

Only you..

Only You

I wish you could see me right now.
Because, only you would have noticed the details on my face.
Only you.

If you would have, you would have noticed my eyes before anything else. and asked me… Why had I cried..

You would have noticed my smile and would have said, “It’s nothing in comparison to the smile you gave me in the room. That was the widest.”And I would have seen the most honest smile of yours, as if you’re proud of them.
And grinned about it.

You would have noticed my teeth and smiled.

You would have noticed my hair. And like always, removed the band and loosened my curls.
You would have ruffled them, pushed a few strands of my hair on my face and then slowly tucked them behind my ear getting all romantic.

You would have noticed my Specs and pushed them correctly.

Or perhaps, you would have just noticed the dried tears on the cheeks…

and you would kiss them goodbye..

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