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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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Randomness

and I sketch..

Some randomness…

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P.S : It’s not an original design.. It is something I had seen and drew…

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And I feel free….

I don’t know how free I am today of all the unwanted ties.. bt I know am closer to freedom than I was yesterday ‚ėļ

I don’t know how much this will reduce my pain but I know I won’t have to love with it forever..

I don’t know how much life will get better now.. but I know (hope) that it won’t get worst. .

And for the first time in my months.. For some unknown reasons, I feel free.. I feel happy.. I feel alive..

It maybe shortlived but thus is how I feel now and no one can take it away from me ūüôā

Carpe Diem !!

Dear Diary..

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I remember writing this two words in my diary about 6 years back РEmotionally damaged..

I don’t I knew what that meant.. I just knew that I couldn’t believe that people could love other people.. That it was possible for two people to be happy together.. I was not able to cry on things that were sad and stupid things made me cry at the drop of the hat.. I wouldn’t be¬†happy in anything.. Happy made me scared.. It still does.. I get sacred when something is happening without any issues.. when all is good and happy .. I freak out..

i push people away ..BIG TIME.. I don’t know how to react when someone compliments.. yes ! I have¬†become better with time but I still suck at it.. I have someone who loves me..and every-time i end up discussing about how he could be happier with anybody else.. I just can’t gulp the fact that it is possible for someone to love me.. I am too worn out for that.. Not meant for love I guess..

I craved for a casual relationship at a point of time.. I didn’t want the emotional attachment.. I am still scared of it.. Not because i will be hurt.. but I will hurt someone…

I have random nightmares where m all alone in the world and everyone is so busy around me.. That’s my phobia.. Being alone.. I want people around me all the time..alllll the time.. That’s my biggest fear.. of being alone..

I haven’t slept peacefully since a year..¬†that and I know what else .. has made me super short tempered..

I crave for attention..off-late..and at the same time I wanna be left alone.. I wanna be left only for people to come back.. that’s sick.. and human.. i think..

I want my life to be like a movie.. where i am low and my hero comes running through old forts to tell me that he loves me.. (Reference : Love Aaj Kal)

and at the end of all this.. I believe that I will be okay.. Alone,maybe..but definitely okay..

P.S: I don’t know what this post is about.. Just random ramblings, in its truest form ūüôā

To Belong…

I walk and stare at this growing abstraction in my life.
I’ve never stopped and seen..
always overlooked, and this day, it comes right at me.
Faltering and crashing
Like the waves of an ugly beach.
Littered and shallow,
Death be his foe, and I his friend.
I’ve never walked this beach before,
And the place seems new.
The routes all wrong,
And the wind turns around.
Stagnation and sorrow are my only friends,
Playing the Devil’s advocate,
Right in my head.
If only I knew, how to just run,
Walk through the soft sands of what was once
A land of mine
A place I belonged to
Wherein love and lust
Intertwined as two
Where happiness was permanent
And sorrow at bay
Where the lonely boats smiled
Leaving pain astray
Where the shallowness of life
Was replaced by the depths of passion
Where the single human eye
Found her reflection
Where she saw all his dreams
And they lived a life together
Where they knew even if the stream
Fell down to a river
And the river to the waterfall edge
They stood hand in hand
Heads held up
And faith in their heart.
They knew that one leap
Made all the difference
In death the bitterness of life
Never mattered on infliction
It was the strength of the supreme
The valor of love
That pulled two souls out together
Out of convulsed rapids, forever.

Who am I ?

I’m on this never ending quest, of looking for inspiration, for knowledge and for hope.
I’m out in this big world, searching and discovering the greatness that lies within the boundaries of fear and the unknown.
I’m a traveller on an unknown path.

I’m a sailor on the rough seas.
I’m a dreamer, with a million dreams.
I’m a girl, who hopes to be seen.

I have seen the worst of days, wherein my world spun around like a crazy tornado. People changed. Times passed. Situations went awry and nights seemed long.
But still, that tiny voice inside, never did let me shatter.
Disappointments came, lingered for a while and went.
People came, made themselves count, pretended, hurt and left.
But I, I stood strong.
I held my ground.

I’ve learnt to forgive, if not forget. After all, you can forget things people say, but not how they make you feel. I’ve learnt that the one person who builds you up, is the one who breaks you down. And that things never go as we expect them to, despite of which, they bring forth better days!

So I dance in the rain.
Run through the pain.
Sail rough weathers.
And fly like a feather.
Let my instincts guide me,
Show me the light,
Bring destiny to me,
And smile through the night ūüôā

Mine..

Some moments are real,
some are fake,
some stories actually happen,
and some we make…
if every good thing
has been said and done,
wonder would life still gift us those treasure of fun ūüôā
while everybody were looking
for the best thing they can find,
i would hold you and say,
“i would ve found you even if i was blind.”
Some people love,
some people hate,
some people beleive this life isnt perfect,
some think the the key is just to wait.
while nations cary out war..,
i scream “cheers” with you
for this day at our hangout bar ūüôā
some say the future is dark,
some say its not,
some live in their past,
some are so glad that it didn’t last.
i listen to them confused,
what is comin up next ???
you tap my head and say “relax..!!
tommorow is coming with something new and best”
hmmmmm..
so whats the moral,
what am i trying to say here?
i seem to have lost my sense and nothing is really clear
confusion wraps me up,
somebody please get me
another glass of wine (It would make the poem rhyme..so)…!!!!
and that time may test us,
but I¬†know for sure that you are all mine ūüôā

A Man (Almost Boy) I know :) ……… With Love (Lots of it)

Heard a bike roar in the distance,

And just thought about a man I know,

Very unlike the organized men I see,

Loves to just go with the flow …

Let me tell you about this man I know,

He is smart, talented and very funny,

He has the heart of a little boy ,

Oh!! And he loves Butter Chicken..

About this man I know ,

There is just ONE like him and not a breed,

You can talk computers and movies and his love for Naruto,

But if it is interesting it has to be an R.D350‚Äôs/Duke’s Speed

This man I know ,

He has the drinking and smoking vice,

but doesn’t smoke pot on the road..

He doesn’t like veggies at all,

And somehow 1 shawarma is never suffice .

Let me tell you about this man I know,

The whole world said something and judged him,

He took it like a pinch of salt ,

Went got himself a trim.

Let me tell you about this man I know,

He will torture your living soul,

He will crack crazy p.j’s and weird jokes,

That will make you laugh and roll.

Let me tell you about this man I know,

Who is famous for his loose pants ,

Who has this special ability

to listen to anyones stupid rants .

Let me tell you about this man I know

Who is known as the dude,

If u really want to entice him

Take him for some drink and food (non-veg, preferably).

Let me tell you about this man I know,

He came to my life just as anyone would ,

But believe me when I say this

Through thick and thin he STOOD……

I am really proud I know this man

And I am sure, if you know him, you do too..

and I cried (of happiness) the day I said I love you

and he said I love you too…

 

**NAruto Love –¬†11173683_1092806150746165_1523083777_n (1)¬†7c726880f94bd924325d6de488dc92ca

 

‚ÄúHallelujah”

Every once in a while I go into shut down mode, when nothing else matters. I lose track of my day and my life.I sit down to write a very stupid-serious¬†piece, which would probably make sense to no one but me. I may publish it but most of the time it remains as page of my diary..¬†I listen to a lot of soulful music, they seem to be made to live in sync with my state of being at the time, not be confused with a sudden awakening or spiritualism. It just touches my inner chord. ‚ÄúHallelujah‚ÄĚ is one such for the moment, ceasing my being altogether.

 

‚ÄúHallelujah” is a song written by Canadian singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen, originally released on his album Various Positions in 1984. Achieving little initial success, the song found greater popular acclaim through a cover by John Cale, which later formed the basis for a cover by Jeff Buckley. Many cover versions have been performed over the years, both in recordings and in concert, with over 300 versions known. The song has been used in film and television soundtracks, and televised talent contests. It is often called one of the greatest songs of all time.

 

‚ÄúHallelujah”, in its original version, is a song in “6/8 feel”, which evokes both waltz and gospel music. The Welsh singer-songwriter John Cale, the first person to record a cover version of the song in 1991, promoted a message of soberness and sincerity in contrast to Cohen’s dispassionate tone. The cover by Jeff Buckley, an American singer-songwriter, is more sorrowful and was described by Buckley as “a hallelujah to the orgasm‚ÄĚ. In September 2007, a poll of fifty songwriters conducted listed “Hallelujah” among the all-time “Top 10 Greatest Tracks”.

 

The lyrics are poignant and the melody is soul stirring. Buckley’s version was not an instant hit, nor did Buckley live to see the full measure of the reception his recording would ultimately have; he died in 1997. Am not an authority and am not a musician but Jeff Buckley‚Äôs version of ‚ÄúHallelujah‚ÄĚ does it for me each time.

 

The Lyrics

 

Hallelujah”

 

Well I heard there was a secret chord

 

That David played and it pleased the Lord

 

But you don’t really care for music, do you?

 

Well it goes like this:

 

The fourth, the fifth,

 

The minor fall and the major lift

 

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

 

 

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

 

 

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

 

You saw her bathing on the roof

 

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

 

She tied you to her kitchen chair

 

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

 

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

 

 

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

 

 

Baby I’ve been here before

 

I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor (you know)

 

I used to live alone before I knew you

 

And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch

 

And love is not a victory march

 

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

 

 

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

 

 

There was a time when you let me know

 

What’s really going on below

 

But now you never show that to me, do you?

 

But remember when I moved in you

 

And the holy dove was moving too

 

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

 

 

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

 

 

Maybe there’s a God above

 

But all I’ve ever learned from love

 

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

 

And it’s not a cry that you hear at night

 

It’s not somebody who’s seen the light

 

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

 

 

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah

25 Random Things About Me :)

1. I love compliments. Like really. But, when someone actually compliments me, I just can’t take them with a simple ‘Thank you.’ I have to try n deny it, make a joke out of it, change the topic or something as silly.
2. When I get angry or upset or hurt, I shut down¬†n act very indifferent. I’m cold, then. N there’s no time when I hate myself more.
3. I’ve never had a fracture. N call me crazy but, I really want to have one. So that I can feel special when people sign my cast.¬†
4. I’ve also never had chicken pox or some sort of disease that most people get when they are younger,n I fear that I’ll catch something of that sort during a very important phase in my life. :/
5. When faced with people I am simply acquainted with, I generally prefer to die. I cannot make small-talk if my life depended on it. I just can’t. Sometimes, they get the impression that I don’t like them n sometimes, it’s true; but, most of the times, it’s just because I’m a very socially awkward person.¬† The truth is- most of the times I want to talk to them, I just don’t know how to.
6. I love the smell of old, old books n paper. It’s probably my second favourite smell.¬†The first being¬†wet ground & him ūüôā
7. Crying in front of people makes me feel very, very weak. I know that’s not how one should think n all that, but still. However, this does not hold true for other people crying in front of me.¬†
8. Someday, I want to teach children in rural areas or slums. I wanna do this so bad ūüôā
9. A way to get into my good books is to laugh at my jokes and care for my people. There’s nothing sexier to me than a guy who’s laughing at a joke I told him and then asks me about my maa.¬†
10. I am the most annoyingly opinionated person ever. I take time to judge people, but then end up sticking to my theories forever. Almost always.
11. I love imagining faces in clouds and uneven walls ..
12. The kinda music which is popular these days disgusts me. I can’t listen to hip-hop n rap unless I’m partying n don’t care what I’m dancing to.¬†
13. I can’t sing or dance. But, I get mega offended when someone else points that out to me. ¬†I use Avada Kedavra several times on them in my head.
14. I still get cheap thrills when my best friends of years say that I’m their best friend.
15. In a relationship, non-awkward silences n being each other’s best friend are big for me.¬†
16. Random cravings for stunningly random foods such as pani puri paani¬†n cake n Ma’s aloo-ki-kachori & Icecream¬†are very common when you’re me.
17. My ego is huge n very fragile. If you mess with it, I’m going to hate you forever n wish that you fall in a hole n die a slow painful death. (ok, I made it sound bad)
18. I’m very sadistic. When I watch people suffer, I feel happy. Not nice people. Just people who are in the mentioned Fall In A Hole N Die list.
19. I love my family. but I love my friends¬†equally, They mean the world to me ūüôā
20. Even though I’m tiny, I hit hard.¬†
21. I’m not a morning person. Period.
22. Clicking pictures of people is something I love doing. Also, I like being candidly clicked. If I had things my way, I’d record every interaction with a few people n then sit with a tub of popcorn n watch.
23. Surprisingly, I have been brutally honest in this post. Generally, I’m a very closed person. Writing is easier, I guess.
24. I’m very patient. Very.¬†Very¬†! but once I¬†lose it, It’s gone. Similarly I don’t give up on people but once I do, no¬†going back.
25. My biggest fear is losing people I love and missing trains !

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