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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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Sad

Think of me when..

Think of me when you watch the big waves wash over the beach in their futile attempt to reconcile with the sky… of how i told you that I love that sound..

Of how excitedly I told you – of Movies.. of Monica and Chandler..of Castle…the dialogues

Stories of all that I loved and lost. And those of hope and love.

Stories of how my heart was broken and how you’d tell me that you hate the one who did it..

Think of me and how I could never hate. How I gave people benefit of doubt and you hated it !

Think of how I wrote you love letters. Blogs.

Think of me when you see that watch.. and when you see rings in a shop.. how much I loved them..

Think of me when you see a temple/church/mosque..

Tell your children I was wonderful. That I would’ve told them of Harry Potter and magic and Books, if I met them. Of Shahrukh Khan and Tangled..

Think of me when you smell old paper. Remember that I told you of how it smells amazing.

Think of me when you hear the names ‘Kabir’ and ‘Kiara’

Think of me when someone would sleep in your lap..

When you climb on to the tallest tower or back your car into the driveway, catch a whiff of my perfume and feel silly..

Think of me when you see a dog passing and there is no-one to be scared and holding your hands tight..

Climb on to the middle of the garden we sat. Laugh because you can’t help musing over how we did that and spoke about everything possible.. when we were…

Remember me crying as Krish and Ananya got married in 2 States..

Think of me when you hear I wanna grow old with you..

Think of me when someone played truth and dare with you..

The breezy cold wind in Lonavala and the stolen kiss.. and the voice of the koyal, the way I did it..

Remember the stories of wanting to travel the world.. trips to Spain..dart-game destination..

Think of me when you see a Sunset..

Think of me when a hot girl passes you and i’d have pinched for checking her out..

Think of me when you hear someone playing Antakshari and remember your own radio..

Remember the poems i told you.. dil tod tujhe jaane ki ijazzat aaj bhi hai..

Remember the lovers and poets, the dreamers. Think of the wishes of Forever and my fingers dancing on your palm..

Remember me when you see beautifully lights and lamps and remember how I wanted to do our house..

Remember when you see people hugging..

Let waves of nostalgia wash over you as you dance to Kabhi Kabhi, with a different woman in your arms. Wonder what if.

Reminisce about old bridges and skipping pebbles. Of Us and your forgotten love.

Wonder where I am. If I’m happy.
And then forget. Like you always do.
Only to remember again.

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Broken Me !!

Beginnings and endings,
Mornings and nights.
Smiles and sorrows,
Thoughts and words.
Dreams and reality,
Love and hate.
Here and there,
In and out.
High and low
Together and alone.
As Opposites they are together
Yet Different from each other.
Not meant to be…

A glass half filled,
Is also half empty.
To each there is more
‘One’ stands incomplete.
You fill me up,
Yet a part remains empty.
You’re the sunshine,
I’m the darkness deep.

The space isn’t between us,
It is within me.
How can something broken
Ever Be Whole & Complete?

A fresh page you are,
But I’m the broken pen.
How can you write a song
That has no melody?

I am but a broken mirror
How can I reflect Beauty?
If you come too close,
I’ll cut a wound deep.

I’ve said this once,
I’ll say it again.
I am in love with you,
Truly!
But you should leave.
There is still time,
Walk away from me.
Or all you’ll be left with
Is a Broken Me.

There’s nothing left of me now….

There is nothing left of me now …..
..there ‘s just the shadow of the days gone by…don’t know when you’ll be back…if you will be back ever..will you still look for me..if you do.. will you still find me … wonder if I would become a wall ..Or perhaps a creeper…
There’s nothing left of me now …I know now for sure …but perhaps there is just a little bit left to let you know that I once existed.

P.S : I need to distract myself off something today.. So I am posting anything and everything I can today..

The Incomplete Goodbye..

Sitting at the window of their favorite restaurant.. Sameer looked around.. it seemed like yesterday, when they had visited this place for the first time.. Rhea had loved the decor and they both, Big foodies, had loved the food 🙂

Rhea : Look at the dim lights, we will use the same for our home, okay ?

Sameer : Yeah.. it’ll be your home.. do it the way you like..

Rhea : Lazy bum, it’ll be our home..

Sameer : Oh yes ! Our home..

and he touched her hair strands falling on her cheeks and put it aside.. She loved it when he did that.. she wished her hair would fall more on her face so he could do it often..

His thoughts were disturbed by the waiter. He looked outside.. a cab had halted and Rhea had stepped out.. She looked simple.. still  attractive.. he kept gazing at her and wished he could feel the way he did for her earlier..

They had a perfect love story till Rhea had to marry some-one else under family pressure. 6 months later Rhea realized what an ass her husband is.. He was an %$*&^)#@ who believed that women are made for household work. Forcing her into physical relationship without her consent, dominating her over every thing.. She had had enough. She left him against her family’s will.. It was the most difficult time in her life.. The world seemed against her but Sameer was there for her. Always.

After the divorce, Rhea took up a new course and moved to another city. Sameer had to finish his studies too. They both agreed that they needed time off. Rhea had been through a lot and needed her confidence, her life back. She gave all her energy and time to her new course and new job.

Sameer too got busy with his MBA and on weekends he would spend it with old friends and Shruti..

Sameer, Rhea and Shruti were a gang.. Things were perfect till Sameer and Rhea started having feelings for each other.. Shruti came to know about it later, a little too late, cause by then she had feelings for Sameer herself.. But she let it go.. Rhea always thought that Sameer and Shruti are perfect for each other but she loved him. They all had accepted all of this between them and tried to keep the friendship unchanged. With Rhea away, Shruti and Sameer spent a lot of time together. A year later, Sameer felt so distant from Rhea that it didn’t feel like a relationship anymore.. and he didn’t even realize when the friendship between Shruti and him and turned more than just being best friends..

Today, it had been 2 years from the time Sameer and Rhea had met.. They had a very honest relationship from the start.. Today, Rhea was herself again and couldn’t wait to meet Sameer.. On the other hand, Sameer had to tell her about Shruti..

Rhea entered and hugged Sameer.. She couldn’t stop her tears.. The happiness to see him after so long, it was nothing she could express.. Sameer felt equally happy to see her but what he was going to tell her would change things forever..

A few silent conversations later, Rhea said with a grin: So, you’ve put on weight.. See, I told you,you’d look hotter with a little weight..

Sameer smiled : I was always this hot..

Rhea : Yeah Sure..anyways, how have you been ? and any job placements yet ? How are your Mom and Dad ?

Sameer : Hello, breathe ! KBC !

Rhea smiled : It’s been so long

Sameer wryly smiled : Yes, It’s been too long. *pause* Rhea..

Rhea looked scared.. : This has been first time in years that I am hearing you say my name.. It feels weird..

She didn’t say it but she felt that this one word has increased their distance more than ever before.. he never called her by her name.. never..

She looked in his eye.. she realized there was something he wanted to say and by the look of it.. it felt like she is gonna hate it.. She had knew every heart-beat of his..

He was staring her right in the eye..It wasn’t the way he looked at her..

and then she realized how difficult it is for him to say whatever he was trying to.. and then she took a deep breathe, looked down and asked him in a shivering voice.. Is.. is there someone else ? are you..do you ..love someone else..?

Sameer held her hand.. He had loved her with all her heart and hated to do this ti her.. but he couldn’t love her more.. He couldn’t hide it from her.. Yes.. I didn’t know how.. but it just.. I Know.. but..

He couldn’t find the right words..

There was silence for what felt like hours to them. She have had nightmares of this, but always thought that their love was old-school and forever types.. but then, she knew he did love her truly for the time they were He had been though a lot for her.. He didn’t give up on her when it was the easiest to do.. but then people grow up and people grow apart.. it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t love.. it just means that .. she couldn’t think of what that meant..

She realized he wouldn’t have done this if he had any control over feelings.. she knew that he was the last person on earth who would wanna hurt her deliberately.. He had given her a lot.. She couldn’t take it all away for this.. He was human.. It was bound to happen..

and then she looked at him and asked : Shruti ?

He nodded and she smiled.

They had this innumerable fights which would always end with Rhea saying “We are way too different and Shruti is your soulmate.. go, go marry her..” She always was possessive about him towards Shruti but she also knew that they were best friends and with time she had made peace with it..and now, everything she had imagined was coming true.. It was heart-breaking but funny..

She kept smiling.

She wanted him to be happy.. with or without her.. he deserved it.

She picked her bag and came on the other side of the table to hug a little lost Sameer.. and said “I love you enough to let you go but I can’t say a goodbye.. I hate it but let this be a unfinished-incomplete goodbye.. cause it leaves me with a hope..” she kissed him on his forehead and never looked back !

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P.S : Please do lemme know what you guys think of this story ?

When you have nothing to say

You pick up the phone and call your home
and talk to your mother.
You don’t know what to say to her,
You have nothing to say to her.
She asks you about your work,
She asks you about your health
And you ask if that is all,
And can you end the call?
Your mother hold on and says some more
telling about the new neighbor or fixed marriage
Or begs you to sleep early and drink milk
and you are waiting for the end of the call.
Its when she says she loves you
and when are you coming home?
That you begin to get restless
and try to get away from the phone
But when you say the parting words
and she asks when you’ll call again
You just tell her a time some other
Because,
You have nothing to say to your mother.
You are detached.

Emptying… #Randomness

A cupboard full of

everything,much and a lot

Oh! but that is my life.

which direction do i start from?

is the question I ask.

I am away but

here I am at last.

I haven’t run out

of space quite yet

but i can no longer

live with this mess.

so i start out with

a room full of friends

and little friendship.

The first room down the hall…

 

I sift through pictures

and find my face there

looking happy with a smile.

Surrounded by those who claim

to be friends and best friends

now and for life.

I look at the room once again,

find nothing worth discarding.

So i leave the door open

thinking..believing…

For me they will always be here.

 

One step out and i see that door

something pulls me towards it

and then my world spins…

Turned up side down

inside out I lay.

Trapped in what i thought

was a room but

turned out to be a maze.

 

For countless days

and minutes and then some

lost even to time

I walked and ran

and ran then dragged

myself here and there.

I kept saying ‘I’ll find a way’

till i lost what i was looking for.

 

I kept looking over my shoulder

hoping to see a familiar face

but all I saw was empty space

and turns leading to no where.

Yes, i broke down and lost more

than just my way.

but then i couldn’t do it anymore…

 

Couldn’t wait for better nor worst

the line between the two was

long past blur.

Couldn’t wait for someone or the rest

how could those who are lost

ever find me?

Couldn’t wait for the weakness to fade

or the strength to grow.

I just had to move

from here to there

with or without a clue.

 

Somehow, I don’t know when

the maze shrunk around me

and became a room.

A huge door stood ahead.

A simple twist of the knob

and I was free…

 

Without a thought i

walked back to the first

door down the hall.

The door stood ajar

and i could hear chatter.

I peeked inside to find

my friends and best friends

for life..or so to speak.

They waved at me

as though no time had passed.

I waved back,smiled and shut my eyes.

 

Who said empty is bad?

I have more space now

and am glad,

for i know what counts,

what’s real..

I have thrown the fake out.

I like this better,

have learned that its true

An empty home is more alive

than any full room.

A Crappy post with a messed up head..

URGHHHHH !!

I wanna take out all my frustration, and nobody knows who I am here.. so might as well I can do it here.. its a crappy post.. save yourself if you are not into reading “My Bad DAy- My Bad Life”

I just realized that this blog has become my escape.. everything going so wrong and I run to this blog and I write and within moments I am Me again..

I sit at the window.. I see people on Tv.. I look around.. I see people who have a smooth life.. Yes, I KNOW THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE ! but still, inspite of everything wrong, there’ll be something that is going right for them..

For instance..Have a screwed up love life but then they are doing good in thier academics or in their job..

A screwed up job, then they have someone they love.. a family where parents are understanding..

You know just something that is fine..

But here I am, sitting in a room all alone.. and I don’t know if I wanna have a tomorrow ..(yeah, very depressing.. not my style)

I mean am staring at the mirror.. all I see iS ME..ALONE.. yes i am the modern independent woman who can be on her own but what if I don’t want that..

I want a happy relationship.. My “him” loves me a lot and so do I.. but the circumstances we are in.. My expectation level and stupid-ness has crossed all limits.. He so doesn’t deserve that.. He is 22.. This should be his best relationship.. the happy-mushy one.. I am making him live my problems which are so old for him.. he doesn’t deserve it.. I have stupid fights with him, where the poor soul keeps listening to my crap.. He doesn’t deserve this..

I am sooper mad at Mr. God. I have always believed he is my best friend. that you know he’ll support me in everything.. He is pushing me away from my family.. my him.. my job.. my life.. everything.. He is not fair..

I hate the fact that I have always believed that he does everything for a reason and for some sick reason, a part of me still believes that this is the darkest moment before the dawn fills my life with my happiness and sunshine.. I hate when I get that optimistic.. cause Mr. God can’t even see that.. he throws situations at me wherein all the optimism is flushed out of my system.. (Gross! )

My family.. they taught me that never let people dominate you.. always have a brain of yourself.. blah.. and now just cause I don’t agree with them over something important.. all of these traits are an issue.. Too much brains you use.. etc..I mean C’mon these people are my life and with them behaving the way they do.. I can’t stand a moment living in the same room..

URGHHHHHHHHHHH

I am bored.. I am hyper.. I am not in the correct state of the mind..

I need to get away.. even from myself.. to become the Me that I was..

I want him to hug me and put me to sleep till all this turns into a distant bad dream.. I want him to hold my hand and fight with the world.. I want him to not let me be.. I want peace and freedom !!f

Mann tu talbat #NowPlaying

This song is from the movie Superstar starring Kunal Khemu..

I really liked this movie, though it didn’t really do great on box-office..

But this Song..

I still remember, the first time I hear it.. I played it on loop for 25 times.. till I was told I’ll be thrown out of the room if I didn’t change the song..

Listening to it now, makes me wanna cry for some reason…

It’s the song.. It makes me wait for rains.. I don’t know why..

Anyways, Do listen to it..

 

Tere bina ji na pau, sung tere ji na pau
Hoke juda abb hum milen, abb na kabhi honge judaa
Abb kya kahun isake siwa
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat

Vey nakh inti, vey nakh inti
Ye nur al hai, vey nakh inti
Tyali haye dhi, takh li aluni, ukhne vele genvhi, vift ki
Abb kya kahun isake siwa
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat

Tere bina ji na pau, sung tere ji na pau
Tere bina ji na pau, sung tere ji na pau
Hoke juda abb hum milen, abb na kabhi honge judaa
Abb kya kahun isake siwa
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Oh my love, i have the key in love
I will be there for u, always be there for u
Abb mil gaye lo phir se hum, subahon ne phir chumen kadam
Kudrat ne haatho se likhe, khud rishte yeh janmo janam
Abb mil gaye lo phir se hum, subahon ne phir chumen kadam
Kudrat ne haatho se likhe, khud rishte yeh janmo janam
Mil kar rahenge hum yu sada
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Oh my love, i have the key in love
I will be there for u, always be there for u
Vey nakh inti, vey nakh inti  ye nur al hai, vey nakh inti
Tyali haye dhi, takh li aluni, ukhne vele genvhi, vift ki
Dil ke varat pe hai likha, har lafz tere pyaar ka
Yeh waqt chaaha bhahut, lekin na phir bhi mit saka
Dil ke varat pe hai likha, har lafz tere pyaar ka
Yeh waqt chaaha bhahut, lekin na phir bhi mit saka
Har lamha ye kehne laga
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Man tu talbat, tu man talbat
Oh my love, i have the key in love
I will be there for u, always be there for u.

 

 

 

A to Z Challenge.. E – Endings

Uh,E.

Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.”

Endings ! Don’t we all crave for endings in some or the other way..

Endings may mean a happy ever after.. but sometimes, ending means a farewell, a good-bye..

Sometimes, its just the way you look at it..

A break-up for instance.. may mean that its over.. but maybe that’s good for You..

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This is a pinterest image I Saw , that marks the ending of the Harry potter series in a beautiful way (click here)

 

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But , in the end , all I’ll like to say :

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P.S : This is a post for A-Z Challenge (April – 2015)

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