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Secretive Writer

Random Ramblings .. I write.. I live… I love..

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How I have changed..

These days, I am quite on the “looking back, looking forward” mode. I ended up reading so many of my old posts as part of motivating myself to write again, and honestly, I can’t even imagine the person who wrote them! How simply I approached life…well I still want to believe it was a good thing, but life has a way of shaking you up and forcing you out of your comfort zone ever so often…its like complacency of any sort is a crime against life itself!
From being a carefree happy-go-lucky person living one minute/day at a time, I now find myself a constant worrier, apprehensive of the future, wanting to plan each and every event in my life to an extent that there is no room for surprises.

Where I was once a careless spender, now I am a diligent saver. While I used to spend time drooling over travel destinations in a former life, I now spend that time on trolling the DDA website in the hope of buying a house!

How and when I became this paranoid I have no idea, perhaps it just happened with time and life events that forced me to rethink my whole outlook towards life and the way I have been living it. I dislike being on a constant run, I just don’t have the energy or mind for it. I find myself obsessing over “settling”, and just building something in one spot as opposed to unravelling all over the place.

I worry, I worry and I continue to worry. When I get tired of worrying, I worry about that too.

I was sharing with a friend recently, I can’t imagine the chirpy bubbly person I once was, and if I were to meet that self again, with my current state of mind, they’d perhaps earn one tight slap from me…

Does that make ANY sense? Perhaps not. But well, that’s how it is for now!

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Dew & the Breeze :)

O’er the kiss of the his,
Her smiles breached the horizon.

He whiffs,
She flutters.

He twinks,
She winks.

Entwined are they
In a dream beyond reach

He never said,
What he felt.
She always felt,
What he never said.

Thus the story of love,
between the Breeze and the Dew.

What if I don’t wake up tomorrow ?

For more than a month now , I have been sleeping with a hope of not getting up the next day..

and then today morning, When I felt really alone.. I thought to myself.. Is this ME ?

I have been someone who fought and did not wish for a easier way-out ever.. So, today instead of hoping that I don’t get up ..I thought of what if I really don’t wake up tomorrow ?

What will happen to the dreams I yet have to full-fill.. dreams of painting walls around the world, or becoming a home-chef..

What will happen to the unfinished stories in my head and the blank pages of my diary ?

What will happen to my hard-earned CA Degree ?

What about the people I forgot to confess my love to or the chances I never took ?

What about the places I am yet to see and the books I have never read ?

What about the life I wanted to cherish and the home that I wanted to build.. the wishes yet to be full-filled and the ones that I still have to make ?

Its’s not about the suffering of my family or the emptiness in the life of the Man I love.. The vacuum in the life of people who love me… It’s about Me !

W for Wedding Vows #AtoZChallenge

As evident from my blog.. I am a big time Movie-Tv Buff.. A total Couch Potato.. a Hopeless Romantic who loves all those not mushy but love moments on the screen..

Initially, the idea was for “Him” and Me to write our wedding Vows ! and then that would be the post for today..

but then we had a stupid l’il fight..

so instead.. I am my favorite writing vows from TV shows and movies..

1. Chandler and Monica (F.R.I.E.N.D.S) 

Monica: Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now — here we are — with our future before us, and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!

Chandler: Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you . . . You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)

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2. Meredith and Derek ! (Sob.. Derek’s no more) – Grey’s Anatomy 

Written on a Post-it note and signed by Meredith and Derek:

“To love each other even when we hate each other.
No running–ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens.
We’ll take care of each other even when we’re old and smelly and senile.
This is forever.

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3. Beverly Hills 90210: David Silver & Donna Martin

David: When was it that we fell in love? When we were 18? 16? Maybe 10. I don’t know ’cause the truth is I can’t picture a time when I wasn’t in love with you. I always knew you were the one that could look into my eyes and see my soul. I don’t question your commitment to us and I know there’s nothing that we can’t work through. And I accept you as my partner and as my best friend above all others. It’s a miracle to find the kind of peace and happiness that you’ve given me, and in honor of that miracle, I pledge before our family and friends to love and to cherish you forever.

Donna: I look at you and I see my best friend. Your energy and your passion inspire me in ways I never thought possible. Your inner beauty is so strong that I no longer fear being myself. I no longer fear at all. I never thought that I could find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally. And that I realized that although we are often apart, you are always with me, that you are my soulmate. You give me purpose when I feel I have none. Without you my soul would be empty, my heart broken, my being incomplete. I thank God every day that you were brought into my life, and I thank you for loving me.

 

4. Alex Karev (Grey’s Anatomy.. Am a l’il obsessed with this show)

Today’s the day my life begins.
All my life I’ve been just me.
Just a smart mouth kid.
Today I become a man.
Today I become a husband.
Today I become accountable to someone other than myself.
Today I become accountable to you.
To our future.
To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer.
Together, no matter what happens, I’ll be ready.
For anything.
For everything.
To take on life, to take on love.
To take on possibility and responsibility.
Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins.
And I for one can’t wait.
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5. Sex and the City 2

Anthony Marantino: It was not exactly love at first sight. But it turns out, it was love. You are the first man to accept me . . . for the man that I actually am.

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6. Paige & Leo (The Vow)

Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.

Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.

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Aweee…. Heart-Melting !!

P.S : to Him..

I will love you even on days I don’t like you ! (Like today)

To Belong…

I walk and stare at this growing abstraction in my life.
I’ve never stopped and seen..
always overlooked, and this day, it comes right at me.
Faltering and crashing
Like the waves of an ugly beach.
Littered and shallow,
Death be his foe, and I his friend.
I’ve never walked this beach before,
And the place seems new.
The routes all wrong,
And the wind turns around.
Stagnation and sorrow are my only friends,
Playing the Devil’s advocate,
Right in my head.
If only I knew, how to just run,
Walk through the soft sands of what was once
A land of mine
A place I belonged to
Wherein love and lust
Intertwined as two
Where happiness was permanent
And sorrow at bay
Where the lonely boats smiled
Leaving pain astray
Where the shallowness of life
Was replaced by the depths of passion
Where the single human eye
Found her reflection
Where she saw all his dreams
And they lived a life together
Where they knew even if the stream
Fell down to a river
And the river to the waterfall edge
They stood hand in hand
Heads held up
And faith in their heart.
They knew that one leap
Made all the difference
In death the bitterness of life
Never mattered on infliction
It was the strength of the supreme
The valor of love
That pulled two souls out together
Out of convulsed rapids, forever.

The Waking !

For Him, who sat with me on terraces on rainy nights..who held my hand when I was too afraid to look down, whose smile always feels like sunshine, and who always keeps a song in his heart. And because I have no other words of my own tonight.

The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear. 
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. 

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go,

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

– Theodore Roethke

A to Z Challenge.. K – Kevin Doyle (27 Dresses)#AtoZChallenge

We all have been in love with some or the other move character at a point of time. My love – Kevin Doyle from the Rom-Com ’27 Dresses’. He is my kindda guy..HE IS MY Guy!

Blunt.. Witty.. Brooding Eyes.. Self-made.. Caring(he gives her a blackberry so she doesn’t have to carry her FiloFax’..Awe)…  Writer..(Brownie Points )Human.. Romantic.. the way he looks at her..

“Do you wanna know the real reason why I came here tonight? Because I knew this was going to be hard for you. And for the first time in a really long time I wanted to be there for somebody…. But I want you to know that I think you deserve…I think you deserve more than what you’ve settled for. I do. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change. I believe that.”

Uh! he is everything that a perfect guy should be.. actually he is more 🙂

C’mon people.. tell me your favorite Movie Character 🙂

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P.S A to Z challenge 

Quote :(

There’s this thing I used to do when I was a kid, to my mom’s VCR. I’d take it apart piece by piece then put it back together again. But inevitably there was always a piece or two left over. Something I didn’t quite know what to do with. So what do you do with that piece? Do you try to fit it back in? Do you try to make it work? Or do you decide you can live without that missing piece?

When we go without certain things for long enough, it’s easy to forget just how much we need them. We forget what we had once, we forget what it’s like to live with a thing. Not that we need but we want. That’s why it’s so important for us to remind ourselves, for us to remember, just because we can live without something doesn’t mean we have to.

– Grey’s Anatomy

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A to Z Challenge.. H – Him !

Him !

Handsome

Helpful

Hesitant (Always)

Hilarious

Hot (Ahem :p)

Humble

Hair-Conscious

Husband  **

Hope

Happiness.

(He’s my Chandler)

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**Would-be , Should-be (Courtesy : Goofy’s Barney)

P.S A to Z challenge 

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